In our youth, we could survive riding bikes without helmets and sleeping on cheap mattresses without a single ache or pain. Now? We are pulling muscles by sneezing too aggressively. Welcome to the hilarious, frustrating reality of being injured in the line of doing absolutely nothing.

It is the ultimate midlife paradox: we can flawlessly rap every word of a 90s hip-hop track, but we can't remember why we just walked into the kitchen. Here is a look at the deeply frustrating, entirely relatable reality of brain fog, and why our short-term memory is currently out of office.

There was a time when we could politely nod our way through any ridiculous conversation. Now? Our midlife faces broadcast exactly what we are thinking before we even open our mouths. Here is to the sudden death of the poker face, and letting our eyebrows do the heavy lifting.

For years, we were the designated sherpas of summer, managing the itineraries and everyone else's moods. Here is why we are officially retiring as the family cruise director and practicing the fine art of leaving other people's emotional baggage at the boarding gate.

There is a deeply satisfying dopamine rush that comes from aggressively clicking 'unsubscribe' on a spam email. Here is why it's time to take that exact same energy into the real world and officially opt-out of one-sided friendships, manufactured drama, and draining obligations.

When your internal thermostat is already broken, adding summer humidity to the mix feels like a personal attack. Here is why we are officially retiring restrictive summer clothes and making 'strategically positioned in front of a high-speed fan' our entire seasonal aesthetic.